I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
