Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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