the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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