Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
