girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
