Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
