If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
