I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
