Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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