I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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