shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
