Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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