His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just gift wrapped bread.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
