How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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