At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
