i think my tv is drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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