The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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