I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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