I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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