My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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