DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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