He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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