i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
