Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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