I wish life had little blips of pornography
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
