one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
