Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
