I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
