Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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