mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
