We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
