no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
