Kiss
Puke
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
