I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
