he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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