dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
