i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
