Please, let me fuck your mom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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