i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
