I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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