fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
