Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
