The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
