Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
