When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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