great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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