Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
