Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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