weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
