he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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